The moment is in a stream in a lake, ideas are flowing like water. If a negative idea comes into our mind we can observe it then watch it pass. The problem occurs when we hold on to it.
The Buddha said “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot stone with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned”
I would argue that holding to negative thoughts are similar, they stay with us, hurt us and scar us so why do we keep them? Why hold to something that hurts?
Protection, safety and pleasure.
Over time, as life becomes long and we experience pain, those negative experiences become familiar and holding on to them feels like safety. Thinking of a person as negative or hating someone, or even missing someone who is gone. They make us feel safe because it’s familiar and that familiar gives us pleasure.
I believe these ideas are totally normal..to be working and randomly think of someone from your past that might have hurt you or going to the past during a conversation wondering if life would be different or better. These are normal and a trap of the mind. They draw us there because it wants the pleasure of those moments to replay and the current moment isn’t giving those.
The key here is to build new memories and see the world in a forward looking way. Not be a slave your past, which becomes harder as you hit middle life and you have more memories then you have a future. Given that, you can still grow from this, and here’s now -
When you have a memory of someone, like water in the lake, let it go. Just observe it like you are mediating and see a thought but you need to bring you mind to the present. ADHD people will struggle a lot with this and it is likely more common then ever but it will help you stay present and find deeper love in the present. And the present is the only thing you have, the past is gone - never to return and the future is something you can shape.